I told Anna that if her male customers use language like that again, she should call them out. (Just look at all the “no femme” profiles on Grindr.) When a gay man is beaten up, or taunted as a “faggot,” it’s because he’s viewed as being like a woman. It’s an insult to walk, throw, or talk like a girl. Gay men are stereotyped as feminine because we have sex with men, and society has a negative association with femininity. Because misogyny is at the root of homophobia.
Sexism among gay men persists because many of us don’t feel the need to change, especially when the hierarchy that glorifies maleness seems to benefit us.īut misogyny hurts gay men, too. We’re not immune to the cultural conditioning that comes with growing up in a society that views femininity as “weak” and “lesser.” Even if your best friends are women, that programming is difficult to break. Not all of us are gay Donald Trumps, grabbing at every woman with impunity, but enough are.īecause gay men, first and foremost, are men. Then there are the guys who think its fine to drunkenly toggle a woman’s breasts in a bar because he’s not attracted to her. We all know someone who loudly proclaims how grossed out he is by vaginas. Misogyny among gay men has become a major topic recently: In 2014, Rose McGowan claimed that “gay men are as misogynistic as straight men, if not more so.” Some thoughtful responses called the comparison into question, but didn’t dispute her overall premise: When it comes to treating women like whole people, not objects or accessories, a lot of queer men have work to do. These things happen so often, in fact, that she wasn’t sure if it was normal or something more insidious. “I feel bad for being so desensitized to it.” “I’ve been in the industry ten years, and I can think of tons of situations like that,” Anna explained. It’s cool, they insist, because they’re gay. When Anna brought up the incident to her female coworkers, they told her the guys who come in frequently often call them “bitch” and “c*nt,” and get defensive when women say they don’t like it. A customer had come in, and, when she offered assistance, he replied, “Honey, I don’t need help from you. "Having a 'what about the children' mindset is a really great way to rebrand things like transphobia and homophobia as more altruistic characteristics, like 'protecting young children' and 'caring about others,'" she explained.A few weeks ago an old friend reached out to me on Facebook with a problem: Anna (not her real name) works at a high-end cosmetics store, where she regularly interacts with gay male customers, many of whom are buying eyeshadow or blush for their latest drag look.
In a follow-up video, Sidney explained that she recorded the now-viral TikTok in order to "poke fun at a very real reality" that she grew up with. It was straight-phobia in its purest form, and you can't convince me otherwise." "Alas, my moms did not accept me for who I was meant to be. I would have been a fashion icon," Sidney explains. "I wanted to go to school dressed like the Disney teens.
But once again, not accepting of my life choices."įinally, Sidney cuts to an image of Zendaya as Rocky Blue in the Disney Channel TV series Shake It Up. "I believed that if I jumped off of a high enough ledge, I could fly like they do in Peter Pan," said Sidney. She then cuts to an image from Disney's Peter Pan in which the Darling children are flying through the night sky. "I was told that I could get the haircut if I chose to, it was my own head, but that I would look stupid. She then begins to demonstrate all the ways she was "oppressed" during her childhood and teenage years - beginning with a bright-pink, scene-girl haircut. "I was raised by gay moms growing up, and I want to tell you about the times that they did not accept me for who I was," Sidney's video begins.
To view this content, you'll need to update your privacy settings.